Tuesday, January 12, 2010

matt hatters.

In the darkest of nights, I promise my love I'll show you the light.
When we've fallen down the rabbit hole, mad hatters we all turn,
Patchwork pieces to mend the places in our hearts they've earned.
When we feel we've run out of time, lost in wonderland,

The white rabbit, he who eludes us, follows his own plan.
But my love, this I promise, the real world it awaits,
Filled with people to hold you close; for we belong to fate.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

time...

really does heal all wounds. even when the scar remains.
x

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Fear and Failure.

I was watching How I Met Your Mother, and this time around Ted was the one with the "I must write about this" gem. He says, "The longer I put off starting my own firm, the longer it can remain a dream, and not something I screwed up at. I mean, It's like I'm giving up before I've even started."

We've all done this. How many of us are still doing it? Giving up on our dreams, or at least putting them off until LATER in order to keep them just that- dreams. Something that we can hope to "one day achieve." The problem is, the longer we put them off, the more difficult it becomes to get started. Fear sets in. It becomes, "God forbid, what if I...FAIL!?!"

FEAR

Fear is lessened through confrontation. I'm not even sure it can ever truly be conquered. For someone who is afraid of heights, skydiving is a brave and daring act. You may even enjoy it after the first jump, but it doesn't mean you won't be afraid the next time you go up....but you will be stronger. So what do we do? Keep jumping. Until the fear becomes so miniscule that it isn't the first thought to register, but rather the second or third, or even the last.

FAILURE

We all fear failure. Ever since that little league game when they stopped handing out the 'participation trophies' and the other team started to gloat. When our parents or coaches berated us for poor grades, or losing a game. Success and failure are tied to our feelings of self-worth. It's a part of being human. You can't escape it. However, we can CONFRONT IT. Head on. We keep our dreams at bay so that we don't have to experience that fear every day. Though without it, we would never truly appreciate the feeling of success. The longer you wait, the harder it gets. Eventually it will be too late.

DREAMS

I want to act. All my friends and family know this....I'm confident in my training and my talent. Perhaps the only thing I am truly confident in. Yet I can't seem to get my ass out of the apartment to find myself an agent. Excuses, excuses, excuses galore! I need money, I need new headshots, I'm not ready...blah blah blah blah blah. It's fear. Fear of failure. If I never get out there, I can never 'truly fail.' The longer I wait, the older I get, the harder it gets, the more likely I am to NEVER achieve my dreams.


It's easy to sit back and hold on to that dream. It's easy to stay in your comfort zone, surrounded by friends and family, going through the motions of life. It can even be fun, entertaining, livable. But do you want to live a life that is 'livable' or 'incredible?' You have to take risks in order to realize your dreams. You have to pursue them actively, not a little bit this month, a little bit the next....a little bit each day.

WAKE UP

Don't put off your dream job, or dream life. It's out there for you, but you have to be the one to go out and get it. If that means getting a shitty job for 4 months just to save enough money to move somewhere new, do it. If that means giving up your nights of drinking and partying, do it. Your true friends will still be there waiting for you when you come back. If that means compromising, do it. If it means getting up at 4 am to 'write' or 'practice' before your shitty mundane job, do it. Yes- enjoy life. But if you cannot 'follow your dreams' because you don't want to give up having fun, maybe you need to look at your definition of what it means to 'enjoy life.' Because there are plenty of people out there LIVING YOUR DREAM right now, and it's possible they are enjoying it a bit more than you.


Moral of this post- Don't live in fear of what may or may not happen. Otherwise, you will never truly live at all.

Friday, January 1, 2010

abstraction of time.

I am currently reading Stephen Hawking’s “A Brief History of Time,” and although I am only one chapter in, it has already begun to make clear questions that were previously muddled in my mind. Not answers, but questions. I have recently becoming increasingly interested in the concept of ‘time’ and ‘spacetime.’ Though my interest in these subjects go back much further, I can categorically say that Family Guy’s “Road to the Multiverse” episode had a lot to do with my current fascination. Of course while I do wish there was a “Disney Universe” in which I could travel, I know this is sadly not the case. However, the concept of a multiverse is completely logical, and most likely exists. I picked up “A Brief History of Time” this evening and have just put it down to collect my initial thoughts. (*side note, Stephen Hawking has admitted to incorrect information scattered throughout the book and has since published “A Briefer History of Time” but I have yet to purchase it….)

Anyway, on to my questions. This post is in no way an answer to anything, more like a forum for my own brain to sift through ideas and concepts. Of course, I always welcome opinion and shared knowledge, it is, in fact, the only way we grow and learn. Feel free to ‘answer’ or ‘attempt to answer’ any questions I pose.

The hardest part in fully understanding or conceptualizing cosmology and the history of the universe is due to our (as humans) need to label and make tangible, or linguistic sense out of abstract ideas. For instance “time.” How could “time” exist before the beginning of…well…time? In describing the beginning of the Universe Hawking states, “One may say that time had a beginning at the big bang, in the sense that earlier times simply would not be defined.” The big bang, as we all remember from grade school, was the beginning of the universe when it was “infinitesimally small and infinitely dense.” We understand that the universe is expanding, and so we can say that ‘time’ had its beginning when the universe did. Of course, if you are similar to me, you try to picture the beginning and wonder, ‘well what came “before” the beginning?’ This is the problem we will continue to have until the “end of time” (if one exists, spacetime loops and compact spacetime pockets are theories that I, for one, hope actually exist) due to our inability to visualize abstractions. Now the question becomes, is the ‘beginning’ really an abstraction, or just something we don’t fully understand…yet? Is that question abstract enough for you?

At one point in chapter one, Hawking names the ultimate goal of science as the development of one unifying theory of everything; one single theory to explain existence and the universe. He identifies the two current, and contradictory, theories, “the general theory of relativity and quantum mechanics.” There are “breakthroughs” in each school of thought every day by the world’s leading intellectual minds, and each day we get closer to a unifying idea, if one even exists. However, there remains another theory, and much of humanity will demand its inclusion, that of a religious nature. Where does spirituality and God play into any of this? For me the question arises because lately I have been equally fascinated by the idea of reincarnation and the concept of the soul. Of course I have no answers, I have no firm belief in the idea, but it becomes an interesting layer to add to the discussion. If the Universe is expanding, if string and M theories are correct, if other parallel universes exist, if compact spacetime pockets exist and time travel could eventually be proven possible…where does the concept of the soul come in? To explain why we, as humanity, exist? If time, in fact, has no beginning or end, and is an abstraction in itself….are we an abstraction of time?

Now for a brief “How I Met Your Mother” break for more barney stinsonisms…then on to chapter 2…..